My First AA Meeting: What to Expect

Hi readers,

Walking into my first AA meeting was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I sat in the back of a dirty church basement on June 26, 2022, just over four years ago. I was shaking. Every few minutes I would get up and rush to the bathroom to vomit because my body was beginning to withdraw from alcohol and other mind-altering substances. Physically, I felt awful. Emotionally, I was even worse. I had no idea what to expect, and I was convinced everyone in the room was judging me.

As it turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Like many people attending their first meeting, I was too scared and self-conscious to say much of anything. I sat quietly in the back, listened, and tried not to make eye contact with anyone. I remember thinking everyone there had their lives together and would immediately recognize that I didn't belong.

What I didn't realize was that nearly everyone in that room had once been exactly where I was.

Over the last four years, I have watched countless newcomers walk through those same doors. Almost every one of them has the same expression I did: terrified, ashamed, and convinced everyone is silently judging them.

The reality is exactly the opposite.

Most people in AA are incredibly happy to see a newcomer. They remember what their own first meeting felt like. They remember the fear, the shame, and the uncertainty. Instead of judging you, they are usually hoping you'll come back.

If you are reading this because you think you may have a problem with alcohol or another substance, I want you to know something that I wish someone had told me before my first meeting:

AA is one of the most judgment-free places I have ever been.

That doesn't mean everyone is perfect. Every meeting has different personalities, and every group has its own atmosphere. But the overwhelming majority of people are there because they understand exactly what it feels like to hit rock bottom.

One of the biggest worries people have before attending is whether they will be forced to speak.

You won't.

At most meetings there is usually a point where everyone briefly introduces themselves. People often say something like,

"Hi, my name is John, and I'm an alcoholic."

If you're new, you do not have to introduce yourself that way.

You can simply say:

• "Hi, my name is Zane, and I'm just here to listen."

• "I'm visiting."

• "I'm curious about AA."

• "I'm not sure if I have a drinking problem, but I wanted to learn more."

Nobody is going to pressure you into calling yourself an alcoholic before you're ready. In fact, nobody should pressure you into saying anything at all.

My advice is to meet yourself where you are.

Eventually, I think it is important to participate in meetings. Sharing your experiences and talking honestly with other people is one of the things that makes AA so powerful.

But that doesn't have to happen on day one.

During my first few meetings, I barely spoke. I sat quietly in the back and listened.

That was enough.

As you continue attending meetings, people will probably introduce themselves after the meeting. They'll ask your name, welcome you, and often offer phone numbers if you ever need someone to talk to. It can feel overwhelming at first, but remember that these people aren't trying to pressure you. Most of them are simply remembering what it felt like to be the new person.

I also recommend trying several different meetings before deciding whether AA is right for you. Every meeting has a different personality. Some are large, some are small. Some are discussion-based, while others focus on reading AA literature.

Eventually, if you decide AA is helping you, I would encourage you to find a sponsor. A sponsor is someone who has worked through the Twelve Steps and is willing to guide another person through the recovery process.

Don't feel like you have to choose the first person who offers. Talk to different people. Listen to their stories. Find someone you respect and feel comfortable being honest with.

Recovery is built on honesty, and it is much easier to be honest with someone you trust.

Looking back now, it amazes me how much that first meeting changed my life.

When I walked into that church basement, I thought I was walking into a room full of strangers.

Instead, I walked into a room full of people who understood me before I even said a word.

If you're considering going to your first AA meeting, I hope you'll give yourself the same advice I wish I had received:

Show up. Sit down. Listen. You don't have to have all the answers today.

Sometimes simply walking through the door is enough.

Best of luck,

ZF